TaraO knows sex sells, that’s the problem

How A Sex Wizard messes up the best laid PR Plans.

TaraO is a self confident younger woman who’s just written a new self help book ‘  Wildly Irresistible’ subtitled ‘ 6 Keys To Becoming The Hottest (And Happiest) Woman You Know!’ And despite all evidence to the contrary – such as a web site that has the word sex scattered liberally throughout – this book is not, in Tara’s view predominately, about a sex. Her aim and, the majority of her text, is designed to get younger women feeling better about their inner selves it’s not salacious and she doesn’t want it to be hyped like a Cosmo sealed section.

While she’s far from the first to address the issue of female inner confidence and mind plus body wellbeing, she’s got a new take and unlike so many self-helpers she’s genuinely lived it and she means it. Tara says her book matters because it works and because there’s an epidemic of female self-loathing that leads to a plagues of anorexia, bulimia, self harm and a growing number of younger women suicides. So she gets irked, to say the least, when reviewers and interviewers latch on to the section about masturbation and her night with a sex wizard.

See it’s happening again so we’ll ignore it because what she matters more than yet another sex headline. Anyone who’s hung out in city bars and clubs late on a Friday or Saturday night will witness a legion of young women showing other classic symptoms of low self esteem  – risky casual sex, drugs and gallons of $20 dollar cocktails , and Tara’s been there done all of that. She successfully battled her own battle, and openly admits to having gone close to taking her own life at the lowest point. So when the only part of her book that gets talked about in the media is in her opinion the least important, though still crucial part – sexual self-awareness and control.

Already you can hear the lewd remarks of the male sex establishment and their ‘get over yourselves girls’ female cheerleaders. The radio jocks, the TV titillators and the faceless newsroom editors looking for any excuse to start a story with sex, casual sex or in this case sex wizard and female masturbation.

As she says “Hey we started talking about it here didn’t we. The problem is that it’s only small part of the book. There are so many other important parts that cover general self awareness, inner peace, mindfulness and managing your place in an over sexualised world”

So she’s fighting another battle now to get the publicity her book needs to help the women she set out to help, without bringing the focus back to one of the core causes of low self esteem. Sex and the over sexualised society she talks about. It’s hard to disagree that while ‘feminism’ – a term Tara tries to avoid – has made women equal or at least more equal in many ways, the late 20th century sexual revolution has somehow morphed into a more unequal sexual landscape. A world where young women, who are often successful in the careers and many other parts of their life, still feel their identity is solely connected to how they look and the men, or women, they attract.

Tara’s not saying that sex isn’t a crucial part of any young woman’s, or man’s, identity and that’s why she examines ways of taking control of your sexual self and exploring your sexuality on your own terms rather than letting society define it for you. But it’s only small part of the overall method and steps to inner self-awareness that Tara has mapped out for her readers. That young women first need to feel at one with themselves, to get their mind right and in control of what they do in the bedroom. Then they call the shots and explore what’s good for them.

‘In the end if all the hype sells more books then surely that’s a good thing? Tara isn’t sure ‘ if you’re reading it or finding out about it for the wrong reason, then you’re either going to be disappointed or you’ll take on board the wrong message. The whole point is that you get back in control of how you feel about yourself, not conform to the way others or society makes you feel you should be.’

It’s basic psychology that we seem to miss so much these days – letting the inner you shape the world you live in rather than letting the world you live in shape you – that’s the trap so many young women fall into.

As Tara concludes ‘They see these the power women stereotypes but don’t understand how women in those roles and positions have got there. They see the outside not the inside’. As for the night with the sex wizard you’ll have to find about that for yourself.

By Neal Vaughan. Sydney Writer